8th May 2010


From time to time I receive messages from people who feel very uncomfortable with the content of this web site. Sometimes the writers are respectful and are prepared to discuss and engage in dialogue. But at other times I receive messages like the one below. Typically such messages are filled with venom. Sometimes they can be quite vile. And often they make assumptions about me without having any real idea of who I am. Repeating themes are that I am a person filled with hate, that I am devoid of any values or loyalty to anything. The message below is a good example and I decided to share it, together with my response. The most important point has to do with whether we should sacrifice our values and belief system for the sake of remaining loyal to "our people".

Here is the message I received:

"I am trully sadened by your pathetic disloyalty you show by publicly delaring your greivences against your own people in such a public way. I am not even discussing whether you are right or wrong. The issue is the fact that you publicized it in such an immature disloyal hateful and detrimental way. You have shown that you have no values you have nothing sacred and in the end you will be left with nothing, no nation, no freinds, no traditon, just your own pointless useless hatred. If you really cared and were not just full of pathetic immature hate you would have found a more productive less detrimental way to address the issue. If you felt the same way about something your own father did you would never rect this way. You have cast your lot and seperated yourself from the Jewish people. Sad, trully sad. I hope that one day you will grow up, mature, and find your way back"

Here is my response, with any identifying details removed:

Dear ——,

I usually don’t bother responding to messages like yours, but I found your message so fascinating and so revealing that I decided to write back to you.

Seriously ——. You are sad for me? For what?

What’s so wrong with separating oneself from one’s people when their values and way of life are unacceptable, and when they are committing crimes? Do you really think that to choose your own path and own values is less mature than just following blind loyalty no matter what? If this is what you believe, you do have a lot to think about.

Funny that you should mention my father. You have stumbled on a difficult and quite poignant issue here without realising, because my father is in fact a full-fledged paedophile. He is now in his 70s but when he was younger he used to go to Asia to have sex with little girls and used to boast about it in the open, which is how I know about it. He prefers little girls ages 6–9 but wouldn’t shy away from sexually preying on older girls as well. He also did a few other things that I will not go into now. If he were Australian for example, he would be in jail for these crimes. You assume that I would stay loyal to my father even if he did something wrong. Do you think that I should stay loyal to him given what I had just disclosed to you? Would you? Well, you happen to be wrong because I do not have a relationship with my father precisely because of who he is and what he did. When it comes to choosing between a relationship with him and my deep concern for the welfare of children and girls in particular, I have no doubt where I stand. So contrary to what you imagine, I am actually consistent.

Family, group or nation do not have a priority in my life or an automatic right to my loyalty, if they behave badly and commit crimes and if their values are questionable in my eyes. If they are good people whose values I can share, they deserve my friendship, love and even loyalty. But to continue a relationship just on the basis of pure unthinking loyalty, even though every human value in me suffers when I watch Israel’s daily crimes? I am sorry, I can’t do this. And remember I do come from there. I do know Israel quite intimately.

I imagine that in the name of Jewish loyalty you expect me to just ignore the suffering of the Palestinians, which is a direct result of Israel’s determination to create an exclusively Jewish state at all cost. But I can’t do this, I am afraid. I have a duty to myself, to humanity and to what I hold sacred.

I can assure you that your suggestion (or perhaps hope?) that I will remain without friends etc. is completely unfounded. I have heard this before and that’s what Jewish people have always told one another in order to frighten each other from leaving the group. This is what all cults do. They paint the outside world as dangerous and evil and tell their members that only inside the group is good and safe. Well, I no longer believe this and the reason I don’t believe this is because it does not stand the test of reality — it’s simply not true. This isn’t how real life is.

You would probably be disappointed to hear that I live a full life, a good and productive life. I am fortunate to love and to be much loved — obviously not by you and people who think like you — but rather by people whose values I share and respect. Your sadness for me is not only patronising but it’s also completely unwarranted and unnecessary. But if it helps you cope with my political views, then you can feel sad for me all you like. My suggestion to you however, is not to waste energy on feeling sadness or anything for me. Perhaps a better use of your energy and emotions would be to read about Israel’s history and look around a bit more and try to really see what Israel is doing. At the same time perhaps you could reflect on your own values and beliefs. Like you, I used to believe that Israel and the Jewish people were all good and could do no wrong, but unfortunately this is an illusion.

If I may make a couple of assumptions myself (and I could be wrong), an important value for you seems to be loyalty at all costs. You are also a person who probably believes that it’s OK to hurt others in the name of your own (or your people’s) survival. These are values that come directly from Jewish religion and culture — the group above all, no matter what it does and what it believes. If these values are acceptable to you then be happy with your life, but please do not try to suggest that my values and beliefs are wrong simply because you don’t like or understand them. You also should not interpret them as ‘detrimental’ (detrimental to whom?), hateful or immature. This is simply untrue. If you knew me in person you would see that straight away. And talking about values, I suspect that at the Passover Sedder for example you don’t give a second thought to the eldest sons of Egypt who were supposedly all massacred for the sake of the Hebrews. Not that I believe this really happened, but it is something that many Jews do believe and accept as OK. I know that many Jews do not question the morality of what they believe and sadly, there is a great deal to question.

Perhaps it is time for you to wake up and broaden your vision, rather than blindly follow what you have been programmed from birth to believe. It is a sign of maturity when one chooses his path not on the basis of habit and familiarity, but rather on the basis of true reflection and a recognition of his own values. It is immature to follow the herd without questioning anything. I can recommend to you the writings of Murray Bowen on the ‘differentiation of self’, if you want to read more about this.

Your comments about what is or isn’t sacred to me or whether or not I am full of hatred are truly presumptuous and disrespectful. Your impression of me is based on your own feelings of discomfort about what I write, but I can assure you that it has nothing to do with who I really am.

My sense of spirituality is strong and there are many things that are sacred and meaningful to me. However, throughout human history people have hidden many crimes behind ‘sacredness’. It’s very convenient, isn’t it? If something is sacred you don’t touch it or question it. Well, it is time that both Jewish-Israel and Judaism as a religion and a way of life stood up to proper scrutiny. Being ‘sacred cows’, they are still allowed to get away with too much. For my part, I will continue to do everything I can to make sure that there is proper and open discussion and that no issue or topic are excluded.

Your main objection to my writings seems to be that I am so public with my views. I presume that you are worried that I am ‘giving ammunition to the antisemites’ or that I even provoke antisemitism? I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this. You probably don’t like it that I am ‘airing the dirty laundry’ and that all those ‘goyim‘ out there can read what I am saying. Effectively you want Israel’s crimes and its bizarre belief system to continue to be hidden from the rest of the world because of fear of antisemitism…

Have you considered that a better way to solve Israel’s problems might be not to commit crimes in the first place, to become a good and just country to all its people rather than discriminate and persecute others because they are not Jewish? Are you seriously suggesting that we should all cover up for a country that routinely commits war crimes and crimes against humanity just because you fear being hated? What kind of an argument is that?

Individuals, groups and nations who commit crimes should be prepared to be found out, and accept the consequences of their actions. Criminals have always tried to get away with their crimes. But in civilised society we expect accountability from individuals and try to catch those who do not understand what it means to respect the rights and property of others. I also expect the same accountability from groups and nations. You can’t eat the cake and have it…

I don’t know if what I wrote would make any difference to you but since you are a human being like me, you deserve my attention and my energy. But please be assured that whatever happens I will never go back to Israel or to Jewish belief system and values. Why would I want to be in the same group with people whose most powerful motivation in life is fear and who think like you do and make such vile assumptions about me without knowing me at all?

How could you possibly imagine that you or people who think like you would be good or desirable company for me? Our values are too far apart. So thanks, but no thanks. You’ll have to do a lot better for me to ever want to be ‘back’.

I wish you all the very best.

Avigail


Page content last modified: 9 May 2010